If you are having relationship problems, it’s likely your sex life has suffered as a result. That’s just natural. You don’t feel close. So even if the mood does strike, it’s harder to let your guard down. Because trust and sex are generally linked. If you don’t trust your partner, it can be hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to have sex.

How important is sex in a relationship?

Very. While it isn’t everything, sex has all kinds of important benefits. It makes people feel more connected. Improves self-esteem. Increases relationship satisfaction and overall happiness. And, of course, it bolsters individual health in all kinds of ways.

That’s why it is so important to resolve trust issues that are impacting sex in your relationship. How do you start? By identifying exactly what those problems are.

Identify Trust Issues and Sex Will Improve

It’s not always immediately clear what kind of trust issues are present in a relationship. Because we tend to keep them hidden — even from ourselves.

Worse, there are all kinds of trust issues that can potentially crop up. Infidelity is probably the biggest one most people think about, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You may be afraid your partner will share details about your intimacy with others. Or that they don’t find you attractive enough. Or that they’re lying to you about their satisfaction.

Even issues with trust outside your sex life can be a problem. Don’t trust your partner to follow through on commitments and live up to their word? That’s kind of a mood killer.

Here’s the good news. Since sex and trust are so inextricably intertwined, improving trust is almost guaranteed to make your sex life better.

How do you learn to trust your partner more? By working through those relationship issues that led to your difficulty in trusting them.

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Work through Relationship Problems to Create a Better Sex Life

If clients tell me they’re experiencing trouble in their sex lives, the first thing I ask is if there are behaviors or past events with their partner that are bothering them. Often, it is in talking about these frustrating or troubling events that they discover their loss of trust.

This realization, combined with talking about the issues together, is the first step to regaining that trust they have lost. And with it, a healthy, active sex life. It takes time, but trust can be rebuilt.

If you are experiencing sexual difficulties with your partner, I encourage you to talk to a Houston relationship counselor about any other relationship problems you might be having. Remember, trust and sex are linked. Build one and you’ll be far more likely to enjoy the benefits of the other.

Originally Published: Nov. 15, 2011

Updated: Sept. 4, 2020

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