Relationship problems can be caused or exacerbated by many high-stress life events. One such event is taking on a mortgage. If you’re going through the process, I don’t need to tell you why. You’re being asked to sign legal documents left and right. You’re hiring inspectors and maybe dealing with repairs. And of course, you’re preparing for the big move. Still, many people don’t appreciate how much stress it can cause, likely because it’s considered a good event! After all, who isn’t excited about moving into a new home?

But the truth is that you’re making a lot of serious financial decisions in a short amount of time and committing yourself to long-term debt. The process can be overwhelming, nerve-wracking, and confusing. And all this stress can put pressure on your relationship. During times like this, it’s even more important to focus on the health of your marriage. Here are a few tips I offer my clients in Houston marriage counseling.

Take time out to relax. Dealing with a home purchase can make your to-do list overloaded, but it’s crucial that you take some time away from your errands to decompress. Spend a night in front of the TV, make a nice dinner, or go out for a night on the town. Just give yourself a break from the decision-making and relationship problems to enjoy one another’s company.

Ask for help. For some, getting away from the to-do list only makes them more stressed. After all, those items aren’t going away on their own. But don’t use that as an excuse to put relaxation on the back burner,  get help instead. This is the time to lean on friends and family members. Ask for assistance with packing up boxes, child care, food preparation, and household chores. When it’s all over with, thank them by inviting them to your new place for a house-warming party and repay the favor when they go through a stressful time in the future.

Remember to be excited. With all the nail-biting, it can be easy to forget why you wanted to make the move in the first place. Maybe you’re getting a bigger place, relocating to a nicer area, or taking a new job.  Even if the reason you’re moving isn’t one you choose, making a change can be an exciting time. It all depends on your outlook.

Be healthy. This is one of those to-do items you don’t want to ignore. Eating right and exercising can help make it easier to cope with stress and relationship problems. Just like you should make time for the health of your relationship, make time for your personal health and encourage your partner to do the same.

Talk out relationship problems. If you’re having trouble discussing the details of your mortgage without starting an argument, it can help to have a professional work with you. Use this as an excuse to work on those communication skills, and you’ll find that your relationship is the better for it, long after you have the keys to your new place in hand. Consider going to Houston marriage counseling to discuss your relationship problems.

3 replies
  1. Damian says:

    In my Couples Workshop, I teach that “just talking” can be dangerous to the health of my relationship. Irregardless of honesty level, if I haven’t received an education in how to Dialogue, which is essential to Imago Relationship Theory, I can easily increase my partner’s anxiety level and thus their level of safety and connection to me. How to speak, and how to listen, are arts that have some science involved with the successful lover. Unspoken, nonverbal language is extraordinarily powerful and important. And all of this has an impact on the satisfaction level of a couple’s sexual relationship! Thank you for both of your comments.
    Warmly, Damian

  2. Damian says:

    I recommend to people that they familiarize themselves with the work of Dr. Ed Tronick, Director of Child Development Center, Harvard University. His ‘Still Face Project’ especially supports the Imago Dialogue’s emphasis on taking personal responsibility for my impact on my Partner’s brain especially with my non-verbal messages, and also WHY this is important in human relationships. It starts VERY early in our development. Blessings, Damian

  3. Damian says:

    Perhaps one of the greatest of all pearls of wisdom in Committed Love Relationships might be, “It’s not nearly as important most of the time WHAT I say to my spouse, as it is HOW I am saying it.” Non-verbal, body language is a HUGE key to successful relationships, of all kinds. What has helped me in my own marriage, and others in theirs is, “Soft face, soft eyes, soft voice.” I can be firm, powerful, and set a healthy boundary without doing it in the opposite, dangerous way: hardness.

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