After an Affair

After an affair, you may want to consider marriage counseling. But finding the right counselor can be a challenge.

Houston is full of choices for couples counseling. First, check credentials.

  • What’s their education? Continuing education?
  • How about availability?
  • Do they offer online services?
  • Are they HIPAA-compliant?

But you should also consider much more. And consider your own intuition.

Your Counselor’s Journey and Perspective

It’s important that your counselor continues to look at their own issues. Ask about their journey in both counseling and marriage.

Many counselors continue to seek consultation and supervision. In other words, “tune-ups” from another objective counselor on their personal issues.

As a result, this increases the counselor’s capacity for:

  • Self-reflection
  • Introspection
  • Ability to listen with compassion

Additionally, ensure the counselor is pro-marriage and commitment.

Some therapists believe, “Divorce is no big deal.” And this may come across loud and clear. Or it may be more subtle. Always trust your gut.

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Choosing the Right Therapist After an Affair

After an affair, it’s important you both feel you’ve found the right therapist. So a feeling of rapport and safety is essential for success.

In your first session, notice how it feels to be with the therapist.

  • Do you feel comfortable?
  • Does the therapist listen?
  • Do you feel you can trust the therapist?

In couples counseling, you can learn to:

  • Process difficult emotions
  • Recognize strengths
  • Overcome trauma and stress
  • Build resources and resilience
  • Work through loss and grief
  • Develop trust in your body and its responses
  • Develop healthy boundaries
  • Resolve conflict
  • Let go of limiting beliefs
  • Manage intense emotions
  • Decrease mood problems
  • Decrease anxiety
  • Learn how to self soothe
  • Balance needs for intimacy and autonomy
  • Achieve greater emotional awareness
  • Learn how to assert yourself in healthy ways
  • Connect to your essential nature
  • Connect to your inner wisdom
  • Get the marriage or relationship of your dreams

Counseling requires collaboration between counselor and client. So be ready to commit time and energy.

At my Houston office or in online sessions, you may expect to receive:

  • Privacy
  • Confidentiality
  • Respect
  • Safety
  • Compassion

Generally speaking, my relationship counseling approach is IMAGO. Which involves a deep look at underlying issues. And, if appropriate, trauma release.

Above all, the goal is personal transformation. And a freer, more conscious, and creative partnership with your spouse.

Reach out. So we can get to know one another.

Updated on July 2020. Originally published June 2010.