Not many things surprise me as the Houston marriage counselor when it comes to problems between spouses. People fight and drift away for countless reasons, and usually I feel like I’ve seen and heard everything before. But when the first couple came through my doors claiming that they needed relationship help because of difficulty planning their will, I almost thought they were kidding. After all, it’s just a legal document, and something all of us have to do eventually – especially if we have kids. How could something like that cause problems in a relationship?
Houston Marriage Counselor: “Don’t Make Me Think About It!”
What I quickly learned, though, was that many people simply didn’t want to deal with the prospect of their own death, even if all that meant was writing out some information on a piece of paper. But that wasn’t even the issue. The real problem was when that type of person married someone who just didn’t understand their hesitation.
From their point-of-view, their spouse was haranguing them about this awful, annoying thing that didn’t really need to be done anytime soon. Why should they make themselves think about something so horrible instead of living life? Was their spouse so morbid that death was all they thought about?
On the opposite side, their spouse couldn’t understand why they were avoiding dealing with something important that truly needed to be done. After all, something bad could happen at any moment. All they were doing by putting it off was potentially making life even more difficult for their kids.
Naturally, these opposing viewpoints don’t coexist very well – certainly not when couples’ emotions over the subject flare up into anger and arguments.
Houston Marriage Counselor: Talk about Why It’s Important to You
The thing that I quickly found was that neither person was really talking to the other about why the will and thinking about their own death was so important to them. Any time the subject came up, the person who wanted to avoid it would shut down or attack their spouse, while that person turned to accusations in their frustration.
Like any other subject, this is one that really requires you to talk to each other and figure out why you’re reacting the way you are. Ultimately, a will is something that needs to be done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take it slowly and be respectful of one another.
If you or your spouse is having trouble writing your will or talking about the end, the Houston marriage counselor can help.