As the Houston relationship counselor, I can tell you that you are going to be annoyed by your partner over time. It’s just the way relationships work. He or she will be bad at sharing feelings and doing household chores, or passive-aggressively jealous of the time you spend with friends and family. Whatever the problem is, you’ll have to deal with the problem of how to tell this person that you love that you find them annoying, which can lead to anger and hurt feelings on both sides. And if it gets bad enough, you might even want to seek out marriage help.

There’s a problem with the language I used earlier that’s at the heart of this matter. Did you catch it? It’s not your loved one that you find annoying, it is a behavior that they are engaging in. Unfortunately, a lot of us have trouble making this distinction when we’re frustrated and we end up criticizing the person instead of the action. In essence, we shame our spouses.

Houston Relationship Counselor: No Shame

Shaming is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, because too often it leads to defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling – feelings that disconnect us from love, pleasure, and happiness in the relationship. If this goes on too long, your relationship might crumble if you don’t get marriage help.

The way to avoid shaming is to separate the person from the behavior. It sounds a lot easier than it is in practice, but it can be done. If you’re having difficulty removing shame from your criticism of your spouse, contact the Houston relationship counselor for help.