Pucker Up! The Health Benefits of Kissing

Want some relationship advice from an experienced Houston marriage counselor? Start kissing! Turns out, it’s not only good for your relationship; it’s good for your health. In fact, couples who share a smooch every morning before work live 5 years longer than couples that don’t. Here are just a few of the benefits of puckering up.

You look younger. Kissing works out 30 facial muscles, leading to more toned cheeks and chin.

You get relief from allergies. Have you gotten this piece of relationship advice from your allergist? By making out for at least 30 minutes, your body produces less histamine, which means you’ll get relief from sneezing and a runny nose.

Your blood pressure and cholesterol lower. When you kiss, your blood gets pumping and your body releases adrenaline, helping to keep you healthier.

You get sick less often. Smooching triggers a release of antibodies that fight off bacteria, giving you a little immunity boost.

You have healthier teeth. Kissing can help neutralize acids that cause tooth decay and can exchange mineral salts that strengthen your enamel.

You’re more relaxed. Feel like you’re floating on cloud 9? That’s because your body just released some extra endorphins and oxytocin, which help you feel happier and calmer.

You’re skinnier. Okay, not by much. But you burn 6 calories per minute when you make out. If you kiss for 4 minutes, you can eat a Hershey’s Kiss with no guilt!

Need More Relationship Advice?

If kissing isn’t a part of your marriage, it’s likely you’re struggling with other relationship problems. Dealing with these issues before they become even bigger can help you to save your marriage. Give us a call today to schedule an appointment with a Houston marriage counselor.

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6 Tips to Help You Calm Down after an Argument

When working through relationship issues, no matter how hard we try not to, sometimes we just lose our cool. Emotions run high, rough words are exchanged, and our entire body is affected. There is an increase in blood flow to the lungs, heart, arms, and legs, but blood flow to your brain, particularly the frontal lobe, is restricted. Unfortunately, the frontal lobe is where we do our problem solving, so we aren’t exactly at our best.

Take a Break from Your Relationship Issues

When an argument gets heated, the best course of action is to step back from the situation for a bit. As a Houston relationship counselor, there are several techniques I recommend my clients use to bring their bodies back to a more rational state.

Breathe. When we get angry, we tend to breathe faster or hold our breath. Take 5 deep breaths – inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.

Visualize. Close your eyes and picture yourself in a more peaceful setting, maybe at the beach or on a mountaintop.

Listen to soothing sounds. Put on some relaxing music, or sit and enjoy the gentle trickle of a water fountain.

Drink hot tea. Look for a non-caffeinated variety if you can, and find blends that are known for their soothing effects, like chamomile or mint.

Bathe. Draw up a warm bath. If you can, find ways to enjoy soothing scents too. Light up some aromatic candles or toss in some bath salts.

Exercise. Sometimes arguments will leave you feeling highly emotional – rejected, sad, and tearful. In these cases, it can be best to get yourself out of the funk by doing some light exercise, such as taking a walk, doing yoga, or even dancing to cheerful music.

When you feel your body return to a normal, neutral state, then – and only then – will you be ready to go back to talk about those relationship issues with your partner. But remember, it takes two to tango! So make sure to ask your partner (nicely) if he or she is ready too. Don’t expect your partner to be on the same schedule as you. If your spouse requests more time to cool down, respect that, and wait until both of you are calm enough to talk things out.

If you find that the argument just starts up again, it may be in your best interest to get a Houston marriage counselor to work with you on your relationship issues.

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Want to Get Closer to Your Partner? Focus on Your Friendship First

As a Houston marriage counselor, people come to me wanting to learn how to be a better wife or husband, but often the first step is learning to become a better friend. Over time, many couples spend less time nurturing their relationship, particularly when a child comes along. But the truth is, couples struggling with relationship issues can become resentful towards one another.  Everyone, especially your children, no matter how young or old they are, will pick up on criticism and resentment. The stress from your marriage will rub off on your kids and can cause a host of behavior problems. So maintaining your friendship isn’t just important for your role as a spouse, but also as a parent.

Make the time. How do you maintain your relationships with your friends? It’s likely you schedule outings together, such as having lunch, going on a shopping trip, or watching a football game. Do the same for your spouse at least once a week. It doesn’t need to be fancy. You can go out to eat, visit a park, or just take a walk around the block. Whatever gives you time to connect and talk to each other.

Join in activities. It’s likely you share some different interests, so consider joining your partner in what he or she enjoys best, whether it’s going fishing or taking a dance class. Even if you learn it’s not for you, you might have a better understanding of why your partner enjoys this activity. You should also try to find hobbies and activities that you both enjoy to participate in together regularly.

Be respectful. You would never dream of giving the silent treatment to a co-worker or rolling your eyes at a friend, but almost every day in my work as a Houston marriage counselor, clients complain about these behaviors from their spouses. Why? Sometimes we are so intimate with someone that we forget our words and actions can hurt their feelings. You take them for granted, but they need to feel valued and comfortable, just like your friends do, and even more so because of unconscious wounding getting triggered far more easily by their most intimate best friend, than any of their other friends.

Be supportive. With all the responsibilities of modern life, it is easy to focus on what your partner messed up. The bill that wasn’t paid, or the lawn that still isn’t mowed.  But it’s important to acknowledge the positives. Be generous with your compliments and appreciation. Remember, you’re both on the same team.

Laugh. It is often said that the key to friendship is laughter. It’s no different in a marriage. Lighten up, be silly, crack jokes. You used to do that, a lot, when you were dating and courting.You may find that laughter starts to infect your entire family!

Talk to a Houston marriage counselor. If you’ve become so disconnected from each other that you don’t know where to start, seek help sooner rather than later. Call our offices today to learn new relationship skills from an experienced Houston marriage counselor.

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Relationship Advice: Compromise More, Fight Less

People often seek relationship advice when the fighting starts to become such a huge problem that it’s the most prominent form of communication. As two individuals with separate needs and desires, it is only natural for you to have your differences, but here’s the good news: it doesn’t always have to result in an argument. You just need to master the art of the compromise.

Compromising doesn’t mean just giving in to your partner, nor does it mean that you have to agree. Instead, it means that together you have come to an agreement about a solution that accommodates your differences in opinion.

Don’t worry about being right. Trying to “win” the argument isn’t going to make things better. It will just lead to more fighting. Instead try to find alternatives that make room for both of your opinions. That way, you both win. Remember that a part of each of us exists in the unconscious that will always feel a ‘need’ to win, be better than, get love any way it can, defend against ‘hurt,’ etc. It will always ‘worry about being right.’  Gently soothe this part of your Ego while choosing to live in the Present with your Real Self that is powerful and attuned to your Core Values.

Be aware of your emotional state. Did you enter the discussion ready for a fight? Sometimes when we expect resistance from our partner, we unintentionally create it by putting our spouse on the defensive. Perhaps the most valuable piece of relationship advice I can give on this topic is: take a break if you need to. You want to talk about the issue when you have the time and patience to be respectful with one another.

Take turns. You both should have the opportunity to explain your feelings on the matter. When it’s your partner’s turn to talk, really listen. Don’t interrupt. Focus on trying to understand what he or she has to say. You don’t have to agree with it, but the more you understand about your partner’s point of view, the easier it will be to come up with a compromise that works for both of you. If you find you’re having trouble with this process, sometimes it can be helpful to work with a Houston marriage counselor.

Don’t criticize. Remember, the goal isn’t to show that your partner is wrong. You want to find a compromise that addresses your concerns as well as your partner’s. You may both have to give on certain things, so express the areas that you are willing to compromise on and those that are most important to you.

Get Relationship Advice Sooner Rather Than Later

Don’t wait until things get really bad to get help. Learning communication skills can help you prevent bigger problems in the future. Talk to a Houston marriage counselor today for relationship advice.

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