If my Houston marriage counseling clients have taught me anything, it’s that people really like being right and hate being wrong.

It’s true. So many of our relationship issues come down to our inability to admit wrongdoing that it would almost be funny if it wasn’t so painful and sad. Because of this desire, we perpetuate arguments long after the initial anger has faded and try to find ways to “prove” our side, even when we don’t care anymore.

It’s marital warfare and it’s tearing us apart. In order to have strong, long lasting relationships, we need to move past this unfortunate instinct. Instead, we should focus more on what really matters: keeping each other happy.

Houston Marriage Counseling: Defeat Your Enemy with Love and Understanding

Trying to win just creates more relationship issues as we constantly attempt to one-up each other. But the real win is when you can step away from your emotions and work on meeting your significant other’s needs.

The next time he complains that you never listen or she accuses you of spending all your time with your friends, don’t lash out. Your instinct may be to sigh and repeat them verbatim or list off instances where you gave up friend time to spend the day together, but hold back.

What he is really saying is that he feels that way. Maybe it is or isn’t true if you tally up the numbers, but that’s not what matters. When it comes to relationships, perception is reality and what’s ultimately important is making sure that both of you feel good about where you are.

Instead of fighting, apologize and ask what you can do so they don’t feel that way. Most of the time, they’ll be so surprised and happy that you’re being so accommodating that they may even feel silly and try to backtrack. Don’t let them. Say that their happiness is important to you and actively work on whatever issue they have.

Houston Marriage Counseling Says “Making Love” Is the Secret to a Happy Relationship

Attitudes and emotions are contagious, so if you make the effort to “make love” instead of fighting, it will rub off on your significant other. You’ll argue less and you’ll enjoy being around each other more.

This isn’t something that most people can do overnight, so if you need a bit of help changing your behavior, don’t be afraid to look into Houston marriage counseling.