As a Houston marriage counselor, I can’t tell you the number of times couples have expressed annoyance with their partners to me. They lament the fact that their significant other doesn’t do X, Y, or Z, but often don’t bother to talk about these expectations with them. Or when they do “talk” about it, those expectations end up coming out more like emotional demands and cause further relationship problems.
Why do we expect our partners to just know they should do certain things or act a certain way without communicating with them about it? The answer has to do with how we idealize them early on in the relationship.
Idealizing Your Partner Leads to Problems, Says Houston Marriage Counselor
In a new relationship when you are just falling in love, relationship problems are the last thing on your mind. Giddy with endorphins, you glorify everything your loved one does, and imagine a life full of joy, peace, and hope. They are perfect, and will make you perfectly happy in a way that you never could be before.
But as time passes and this magical vision of life doesn’t come about, we start to resent our significant other, and may even start to feel like they’re actually standing in the way of us achieving those dreams. Worse that that, we feel like they’re withholding that happiness from us, and become increasingly annoyed with them. Eventually, this can lead to serious relationship problems.
A Houston Marriage Counselor Can Help
If you find yourself stuck in this rut of feeling annoyed that your partner can’t give you what you need, seek out professional help. The first step in alleviating your relationship problems is to find an effective way to talk about your emotional needs and how they are not being met.
Talking about difficult things can often lead to an argument, especially if either of you enter into the conversation in an emotional state. As a Houston marriage counselor, I can show you how to “take a holiday from being you” and learn how to share your partner’s experience and discover how to help them get what they need just by listening.
Have you ever had an “aha!” moment with your partner where you realized that they really do think very differently from you? So many relationship problems are caused by this very thing. We have an innate inability to see beyond ourselves, but when we finally do, the reaction is amazing and can really help to bring you closer to your partner.
If you’ve tried this on your own and can’t seem to get past your relationship problems on your own, contact a Houston marriage counselor today.