When most of my Houston marriage counseling clients list the things that stress them out, it’s almost always exclusively negative events. Things like health problems, job loss, fights, and affairs. There’s no question that those things can be huge stressors, but lots of people forget that “good” things can be stressful, too, such as getting married, having a baby… or the topic of this post, buying a house. And when that stress spills over into how you and your spouse treat each other, it can create relationship problems.
Houston Marriage Counseling: Get on the Same Page Before You Start Your Search
If you’ve ever tried to buy real estate before, you know that the experience can be nerve-wracking, frustrating, and incredibly draining. Going into this process with your spouse means that both of you are going to be sharing all of those fun emotions with each other.
What if you both want different things – will you fight in front of the realtor? Hopefully not, but that doesn’t stop you from yelling the second you get back in the car, both feeling betrayed, angry, and probably a little shocked. How could they not tell you they had to have a pool? Well, because you never asked. And, by the way, they’re just as upset you neglected to mention your outright hatred for fireplaces.
The way to minimize relationship problems like this is to do a lot of research and talk before you start the process in earnest. Discuss your hopes and dreams, what you see when you imagine your perfect home, and the things you absolutely have to have and can’t stand. Chances are that you will disagree on some things, but this gives you the opportunity to talk it out and compromise before you’re actually visiting a home that one of you absolutely adores and the other hates.
Houston Marriage Counseling: Realize That Things Will Go Wrong
Just like having a wedding that goes precisely according to plan is pretty much impossible, there will be mistakes that are made and missed opportunities during your housing search. Some of these may be due to your choice of realtor or lender, but others will likely be your fault. After all, there are many, many, many things to do when buying a home, and it’s easy to drop balls. Understanding and accepting this ahead of time can allow you to be more forgiving when mistakes are made… and plan better to try to avoid them.
If you and your spouse just can’t stop fighting due to homebuyer’s stress, Houston marriage counseling can help.