In Houston relationship counseling, I talk about how each of us is changing all the time, and how this can alter the dynamic of our marriage and how we relate to each other. You’ve probably read lots of information about how big changes can affect you – deaths in the family, job losses, accidents, parenthood, retirement, and so on – but many people gloss over the fact that there are a lot of smaller changes that we’re going through all the time.
Say Betty has noticed that she’s moved on from being singled out at work because she’s the “baby” to becoming the person look to for advice. Or John used to be the best player in his office basketball league, but now he’s losing a step.
We define ourselves in many ways, and when parts of our identities shift, it can sometimes make a profound difference in our personality and the way that we interact with our spouse. A once-timid person can become more bold and controlling, or vice versa. As this dynamic shifts, it can cause confusion, anger, hurt feelings, and ultimately lead to couples needing marriage help.
The problem isn’t so much that these changes have occurred as it is that we might not even realize that they have or what’s causing them. That’s why it’s so important to keep talking to each other about everything that’s going on in our lives on a regular basis. If we realize that our spouse feels that her role is different now at work, it might not come of as much of a surprise when her personality changes around us. Moreover, it will be easier to connect the dots and make her see where those changes are coming from rather than just telling her that she’s changed and getting upset about it. All that will do is cause further problems.
Houston Relationship Counseling: Learn to Share – and Keep Sharing
When relationships continue for years and years, we tend to assume that we know the other person and see them as a static set of behaviors, then become upset when they “suddenly” feel different to us. But if you had been truly keeping up with each other throughout the relationship, you’d have realized that little things are always in flux. That’s why it’s so important to devote time to the relationship in the form of date nights, walks, pillow talk, adult vacations, or whatever you can do to make sure that you’re connecting on a regular basis. You’ll probably be surprised by what you learn.
Still feel like you need marriage help? Houston relationship counseling can guide you to understanding each other better.