As the Houston marriage counselor, I hear all kinds of problems from different couples: She doesn’t care about the things that are important to me. He wants to spend more time with his friends than together. She’s never physically affectionate – I always have to start things. Many times, what these and other frustrating relationship problems boil down to is the fear that your partner doesn’t like you as much as you like them – what’s scarier than that?
Houston Marriage Counselor: “Prove” How Much You Care
Unfortunately, these kinds of fears are ultimately based on having trust in your partner and confidence in your own lovability – something that involves you coming to a place of acceptance within yourself. There are, however, things that both partners can do to show each other how much they do care and ease relationship problems. I call these “loving and caring behaviors,” and they are quite simple.
I ask each person to write down a list of simple things (meaning fast, inexpensive, and non-sexual) their partner can do to make them feel more loved. Many of my Houston marriage counselor clients write down things like “compliment me,” “hug me,” “massage me,” “ask me how my day went,” “make my favorite dinner,” and “send me a love note.” These lists are then exchanged, and both partners agree to try to do some of the things there.
It’s an interesting trick in our makeup that we tend to be moved by actions regardless of whether they are “planned” like these lists or not. Simply engaging in these actions – especially if they continue over time – makes both partners feel more loved and less concerned about what their partner isn’t doing, greatly easing relationship problems.
If, however, you and your partner still feel like you’re experiencing relationship problems related to not feeling loved enough, give the Houston marriage counselor offices a call.