Something that I see a lot as a Houston marriage therapist is couples who place the blame for their relationship issues solely on their significant other. It’s just easier to admit that there’s a problem if you’re not the one responsible for it. However, it’s very rare that these relationship issues are completely one-sided.
This type of denial of responsibility is poison to a relationship. But if you’re able to be honest with yourself, you’ll be able to make room for growth and improvement.
Stop Making Excuses and Begin to Make Changes, Says Houston Marriage Therapist
Nobody likes taking responsibility for something that is going wrong, which is probably why we’re so quick to make excuses or blame others in situations where responsibility is not a black and white issue. But by placing the blame for a troubled relationship on your partner, you are hurting both your partner and yourself. You set your partner up as the villain and yourself as the passive victim, which can lead to feelings of personal inadequacy.
When you’re thinking about what’s been going wrong in your relationship, try adopting your partner’s perspective. Realize that your relationship is complex, and any perceived problems aren’t one person’s fault. Once you realize that, take ownership of what’s not working and move forward. Make sure that you’re not getting too caught up trying to find the original source of the problems, because there’s no point in dwelling on the past. Even if you don’t think the problems stemmed from you, taking ownership will make you feel like you’re in control of your life.
Houston Marriage Therapist: How to Move Forward
Once you’re able to admit that you are responsible for your actions and for what’s not working in your relationship, the next thing to do is to say, “How can I make this better?” Talk things out with your partner; having you claim ownership of your relationship issues might even encourage your partner to take ownership of his or her own actions, allowing you to work together to come up with solutions.
And if the two of you feel like you need help coming up with productive solutions, you can always see a Houston marriage therapist. I always enjoy working with couples who are willing to take responsibility and who want to make improvements in their relationship.