One of the main things we focus on in Houston relationship counseling is having couples work together to figure out how to improve their relationship, rather than just having partners tell each other what they think the relationship problems are and what the other person needs to change. I’ve found that the best way to create positive results is often just through leading by example and being the partner you want your partner to be.

What Doesn’t Work, According to Houston Relationship Counseling

You need to be careful about how you talk to your significant other when it comes to change. You shouldn’t  just say something like, “You spend too much time complaining about work and it’s getting on my nerves. I never complain when I get home.” Asking for change in that way is accusatory and will likely make your partner defensive, leading to more relationship problems.

You also shouldn’t expect your partner to be like Sandy and Danny in Grease and make huge changes just to please you. Working towards change in a relationship isn’t about changing who a person is fundamentally, but about inspiring more positive behavior in the way that the two of you interact.

Modeling Positive Behavior in Houston Relationship Counseling

Think about the ways you behave, especially under difficult circumstances. Do you make an effort to be thoughtful and emotionally supportive, even after a long, stressful day? Or do you become distant and critical? Think about how you would react if your partner came home, slammed the front door, complained about how tired he or she was, and then criticized the state of the kitchen. That would probably make you defensive and put you in as bad a mood as your partner is in.

Now think about how you would react if your partner came home, put his or her arm around you, said that he or she had a stressful day, but then asked how your day was? You’d probably be a lot more receptive to that kind of behavior. People pick up on even small physical and verbal cues and respond in kind, so if your behavior is loving, your partner is more likely to respond positively.

If you’re still experiencing relationship problems and want help figuring out how to inspire more positive behavior in your interactions with your partner, you can always come in to Houston relationship counseling.